You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

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First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

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One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

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Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

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The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

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I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

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It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

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Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

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What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

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Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

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I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.