Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

The actors who signed on to that first Avatar movie have job security like no other in Hollywood.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,285

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Trending via Discord:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Going bananas on X:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Trending via Messenger:

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

Going viral on Messenger:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

Trending via Reddit:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Breaking via Discord:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Spotted on WeChat:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Double the ibuprofen, double the fun! Just don’t mix up your GPS for the bathroom! 😂🏃‍♂️💊

50, aging, downstairs, health, ibuprofen, know, over, over 50, pain, pain relief, relief, upstairs

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

0

4 months ago

5, body, body image, fatter, future, here, humor, i, image, joke, myself, self, weight, where
Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

0

3 months ago

back, chance, give, humor, i, love, me, meeting, met, never, night, regret, relationship, sarcasm, take
Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

0

2 months ago

authentication, call, condom, humor, joke, protection, pull, pull out, safety, sex, still, two-factor, two-factor authentication, using
If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

0

2 months ago

advice, eating, food, happiness, happy, humor, life, life advice, married, relationships, single
Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

0

2 months ago

age, humor, i, irony, numeral, old, old people, people, roman, Roman numeral, understand, understanding, wit
My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

humor, irony, new, new year, procrastinate, resolution, self-improvement, start, tomorrow, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

20 shares on WeChat this month:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Seen just now on Slack:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Just landed via Twitch:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Live now on TikTok:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

Live now on Reddit:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Going viral on Slack:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Making waves on YouTube:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Just shared via Twitch:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨