Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,578

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Welcome to your 50s, your joints are now meteorologists.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Freshly posted on X:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.

Going viral on Instagram:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Double the ibuprofen, double the fun! Just don’t mix up your GPS for the bathroom! 😂🏃‍♂️💊

50, aging, downstairs, health, ibuprofen, know, over, over 50, pain, pain relief, relief, upstairs

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

0

2 months ago

car, driving, feature, highway, humor, making, maybe, newer, oh, shake, stopped, technology, weird
It-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization.

0

4 weeks ago

civilization, collapse, coping, humor, irony, life, modern, modern life, phrase, resilience, sarcasm, slang, through
Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

0

2 months ago

actually, choice, disappointment, entertainment, every, humor, movie, Netflix, streaming, want, watch, welcome
My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

0

2 months ago

death, internet, social media, tombstone, WhatsApp
My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

0

2 months ago

bake, baking, British, comedy, dream, driving, DUI, food, great, Great British Bake Off, humor, Saab, tent
Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

0

2 months ago

commitment, expectations, humor, keep, never, planning, procrastination, promise, rescheduling

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Facebook this month:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

19 shares on Threads this month:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

73 shares on Slack this month:

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

48 shares on Facebook this month:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

22 shares on X this month:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

Trending via YouTube:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Going viral on Instagram:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Just shared via Messenger:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Seen just now on TikTok:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t have my glasses on.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

Just shared via Reddit:

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Freshly posted on Slack:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

It-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization.

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨