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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Social media has dragged humans back into Plato’s cave, and chained them there.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Can I just skip to the part in my life where I’m rich and happily in love?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Going viral on Telegram:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Making waves on X:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Seen just now on Threads:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Seen just now on Slack:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Seen just now on Slack:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Seen just now on X:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Trending via Slack:

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

Trending via Telegram:

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

2 months ago

0

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Living in a city where seagulls are the fashionably exclusive bird poop connoisseurs – a true sign of elite urban living! 💁‍♂️🏙️ Who needs mundane pigeon droppings when you can boast a splash of seaside sophistication? Embrace the unexpected blessings from above, darling! 💩🕊️ #CityLivingElevated

anecdote, city, funny observation, great, humor, life, live, nature, observation, pigeon, seagull, urban, urban life, wildlife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

0

2 months ago

being, blame, day, festive, ghost, Halloween, humor, relationships, social, someone
If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

0

2 months ago

bedtime, child, cost, cost effective, effective, endless, endless energy, energy, humor, i, parenting, supply, tired
This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

0

2 months ago

baking, baking fail, close, codes, design, even, fail, festive, festive fun, fire, fire safety, fun, gingerbread, gingerbread house, holiday, holiday humor, house, house design, humor, safety, safety codes
People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

0

2 months ago

everyday, everyday struggle, height, height problem, humor, people, problem, realize, say, spiderweb, struggle, tall, times, want
How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

0

2 months ago

age, awareness, humor, matrix, old, others, perception, realization
I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

0

2 months ago

am, exaggeration, humor, i, joke, late, late night, million, night, procrastination, staying, staying up, time, tonight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on YouTube this month:

If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

44 shares on Threads this month:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

31 shares on Slack this month:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

54 shares on Discord this month:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

In your 20s and 30s, you’ll start rediscovering the niche interests and hobbies you had as a kid. It’s very important you revisit them. Your younger self was actually on to something.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,346

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

My love language is being sent money.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

Shared recently on X:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

Spotted on Instagram:

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

Seen just now on Slack:

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

Seen just now on Slack:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Trending via Threads:

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

Just landed via YouTube:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Just landed via Pinterest:

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

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