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Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,378

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Just shared via Threads:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Just shared via TikTok:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Spotted on YouTube:

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

Just shared via YouTube:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Trending via Telegram:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Making waves on Twitch:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

23 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about looking stunning and defiant during an intense questioning scene.

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Commentary:
Getting fashion tips for when I'm interrogated next! 😆🕵️‍♂️🔍

beautiful, beauty, combative, contrast, detained, humor, interaction, personality, personality contrast, questioning, sarcasm, situation, unexpected, unexpected situation

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Sure, you can invite more people to the plans we made 2 months ago. The more, the merrier. Also, I’m not going now.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

20 shares on Discord this month:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

18 shares on WeChat this month:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

Maybe the problem is that I’m cooler than any man I’ve ever met.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

89 shares on Discord this month:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly selective about what I suffer for.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Live now on Facebook:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Going bananas on WeChat:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

Going viral on Slack:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Going viral on Facebook:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Live now on Snapchat:

What if all the ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?

Live now on Facebook:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

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Activity Log ✨

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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