Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Jan 7, 2026

3,626

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

What is it called when you were overthinking, and it turns out you were right?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Just shared via Reddit:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Making waves on Messenger:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

Shared recently on Facebook:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

Just shared via Pinterest:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

2 months ago

0

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the mysterious allure of the white shirt strikes again! 🍝 Who knew it had the power to summon a spaghetti craving in everyone around you? Maybe it's just a clever ploy to secure more dinner invitations! 💁‍♂️🍝 #FashionableFoodie"

attention, date, dining, eat, fashion, food, humor, mess, shirt, spaghetti, wants, wear, white

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Some call it flirting… I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive…

0

2 months ago

attraction, attractive, being, call, charm, dating, extra, flirting, humor, i, just, nice, playfulness, someone
Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

0

2 months ago

asleep, bedtime, brain, exactly, fall, humor, insomnia, relaxation, sleep, stop, thinking, thoughts, time
Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

0

2 months ago

attractiveness, bro, gender, hairstyle, hot, humor, only, ponytail, woman, women
No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

0

2 months ago

birds, dinosaurs, evolution, humor, i, irony, nature, respect, turn
I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

0

2 months ago

army, crow, feeding, humor, worry, WWIII
I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

0

5 months ago

attitude, communication, every, honesty, humor, i, love, meant, people, said, sarcasm, statement, truth, word

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

30 shares on Slack this month:

Why do you always wanna change your life before you fall asleep, then in the morning you wake up like ‘Nah!’

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

46 shares on X this month:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

40 shares on Slack this month:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

75 shares on X this month:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a day where it all works out.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Windmill? Big fan.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,266

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

Breaking via WeChat:

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Making waves on Messenger:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I totally understand those uncles and aunts who don’t attend gatherings.

Spotted on TikTok:

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

Spotted on Facebook:

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

Seen just now on Discord:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Going viral on WeChat:

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴