If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?