Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

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I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

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The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

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I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

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I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

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I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

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Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

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Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

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I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

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Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

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I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.