Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

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The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

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My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

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The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

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For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

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What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

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Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

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HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

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It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

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Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

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Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.