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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

A song that hits so hard it makes you want a cigarette.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Having a job ruined my life.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Jan 7, 2026

3,693

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Just shared via WeChat:

“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

Shared recently on Threads:

Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

Breaking via X:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Trending via WeChat:

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

2 months ago

0

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Welcome to the most terrifying interactive haunted house experience yet! 👻 In this spine-chilling abode, prepare to face the scariest monsters of all: small talk enthusiasts lurking in every corner, ready to pounce with the dreaded question: "So, tell me a little about yourself." 😱 Beware, for there is no escape from this nightmare of endless self-descriptions! Enter if you dare… and don't forget your elevator pitch! 🏚️💬

asking, every, haunted, house, little, room, say, someone, something, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

0

2 months ago

broken, coughing, doctor’s waiting room, doctors, friends, humor, illness, room, socializing, something, waiting
Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

0

1 week ago

15, animal, animals, humor, instinct, know, life, life skill, minutes, newborn, old, skill
My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

0

2 months ago

acronym, after, asking, communication, favorite, humor, know, means, military, misunderstanding, right, someone, tradition
Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

0

2 months ago

clothing, humor, leg, legs, pale, pale leg, sensation, shorts, summer, sunlight, vampire, vampires
Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

0

2 months ago

experience, festival, fortune, fun, homeless, humor, irony, live, living, pay, person
“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

0

2 months ago

delusional, describe, enough, humor, people, perception, reality, strong, word

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Facebook this month:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

94 shares on Messenger this month:

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

73 shares on Telegram this month:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

30 shares on Threads this month:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,279

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

I’d make room in my pillow fort for you.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Just shared via Twitch:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Going viral on Pinterest:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Breaking via WeChat:

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Spotted on Facebook:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Trending via Discord:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

Going viral on Telegram:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

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