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A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's got a craving for more than just vibrations! 😏 Maybe investing in a smart speaker that doubles as a compliment machine could do the trick? 🤖💬 #Priorities 🤣"



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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

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How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

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Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

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The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

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If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

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Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

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Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

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I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

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Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

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The female ability to be able to guess exactly which girl it is out of his 740 following.

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