Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea Señor.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I’ve realized there’s more to life than social media, so I guess this is goodbye for the next 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,724

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Shared recently on WeChat:

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Going viral on WeChat:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Breaking via Messenger:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

Just shared via Telegram:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Breaking via YouTube:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Living the dream, one pajama day at a time! 😴🍕📺

doing, doing nothing, humor, leisure, nothing, relaxation, rest, spent, weekend, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

0

2 months ago

bro, conversation, finance, finance bro, humor, money, print, print money, ragebait, start, why
If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

0

2 months ago

attempt, failure, humor, irony, joke, murder, only, success
I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

0

2 months ago

choice, hate, honesty, humor, i, interaction, nice, people, self-deprecation, social, social interaction, ugly
They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

0

2 months ago

health, health insurance, humor, insurance, invention, irony, should, wellness
In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

0

2 months ago

80s, drink, feeling, humor, nostalgia, retro, thirsty, waterbed, woke
Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

0

2 months ago

another, dating, flirtation, humor, i, link, love, me, music, post, relationship, Spotify

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Telegram this month:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

64 shares on X this month:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

Time needs a speed limit.

48 shares on Threads this month:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Shared recently on Threads:

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

Shared recently on Discord:

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

Live now on Twitch:

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

Trending via Twitch:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Going viral on YouTube:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

Going viral on Facebook:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Making waves on Telegram:

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨