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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,699

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

Just shared via Twitch:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

Just shared via TikTok:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Seen just now on Telegram:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Living the dream, one pajama day at a time! 😴🍕📺

doing, doing nothing, humor, leisure, nothing, relaxation, rest, spent, weekend, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

0

2 months ago

door, front, front door, honesty, humor, i, liar, mat, sarcasm, welcome, welcome mat
Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

0

5 months ago

ancestor, ancestors, before, breathe, breathing, date, discovery, history, humor, oxygen, question, science
The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

0

2 months ago

healthcare, humor, irony, job, money, paramedic, paycheck, profession, seen, thing, workplace, worst
Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

0

2 months ago

buy, clothing, ever, experience, fit, fitting, funny observation, huge, humor, observation, pack, perfectly, personal, personal experience, shopping, size, take, think, try, underwear
Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, chaos, dinosaurs, else, everything, exaggeration, humor, imagination, imagine, stress, too, top, worry
If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad time, conversation, exactly, humor, just, mean, meaning, relationship, time, warning

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

44 shares on Reddit this month:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

12 shares on Telegram this month:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

11 shares on X this month:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

84 shares on Discord this month:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

Breaking via Pinterest:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Just landed via Facebook:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Spotted on Facebook:

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

Trending via Pinterest:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Just shared via Facebook:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Just landed via Slack:

In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨