Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,727

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Making waves on X:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

Spotted on TikTok:

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

Just shared via Facebook:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Going viral on Discord:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Making waves on WeChat:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Breaking via X:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Because who needs a foyer when you can trip over shoes and pets as soon as you enter? 🚪🐶👟 #WelcomeChaos"

American, American culture, architecture, culture, design, door, front, front door, homes, house, house design, humor, interior, interior design, living, room, strange, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

0

2 months ago

dislike, everything, food, humor, invention, meal, picked, plate, put, salad, separation, someone
You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, big, big time, communication, know, mess, mess up, printer, relationship, situation, someone, technology, time
I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

0

2 months ago

abduction, child, comedy, finds, horror, horror movie, i, kidnapper, movie, need, plot, plot twist, possessed, possessed child, twist, where
I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

0

2 months ago

attitude, burnout, coworker, coworkers, descent, enthusiasm, giving, humor, i, love, motivation, new, office, slow, watch, work
If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

0

2 months ago

catholic, Catholic Church, church, crime, crime story, history, humor, i, recommend, recommendation, religious, religious history, story, true, true crime
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

0

2 months ago

bacon, bake, cook, cooky, culinary, food, funny observation, humor, language, observation, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

94 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

60 shares on Threads this month:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

23 shares on X this month:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

22 shares on Threads this month:

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Being famous on social media is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s not real, so calm down.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

Trending via Instagram:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Spotted on TikTok:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

Just shared via Instagram:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Spotted on YouTube:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

Just shared via Snapchat:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Making waves on Telegram:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

Breaking via Twitch:

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨