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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

People in NYC are like, let me know if you’re ever in NYC.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,977

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Just landed via Instagram:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Just landed via Discord:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Because who needs a foyer when you can trip over shoes and pets as soon as you enter? 🚪🐶👟 #WelcomeChaos"

American, American culture, architecture, culture, design, door, front, front door, homes, house, house design, humor, interior, interior design, living, room, strange, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

0

2 months ago

attention, best, humor, irony, noticed, psychology, relationship, want
“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

0

3 months ago

both, cool, dislike, exercise, humor, i, life, marathon, motivation, running, sarcasm, sprint, things
The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, dynamic, family, family dynamic, humor, irony, life, life irony, most, parenting, parents, reversal, role, role reversal, surprise
Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

0

2 months ago

ancient, ancient Rome, comedy, costume, fashion, fight, going, historical, historical comedy, humor, leather, leather skirt, roman, Roman soldier, Rome, short, skirt, soldier
My bank account is also in retrograde.

0

2 months ago

account, astrology, bank, bank account, finance, humor, joke, money, retrograde
Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

0

2 months ago

activity, camping, comfort, home, humor, i, mortgage, outdoor, outdoor activity, outside, pay, sleep, thank, wanted

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Facebook this month:

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

My AI-generated girlfriend is hotter than your real girlfriend.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

28 shares on Facebook this month:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

73 shares on Twitch this month:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

11 shares on X this month:

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

Going viral on Reddit:

Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

Seen just now on X:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Just landed via Reddit:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Trending via Facebook:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was pretending I didn’t see it and ended up actually forgetting.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

Breaking via Instagram:

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨