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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I love one-pot recipes. So much less mess than when I was trying to cook things without a pot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

429 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,698

Funny Quotes Topics

17,716

Funny Quotes Images

15,698

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,316

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Shared recently on X:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Making waves on Reddit:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

Making waves on Twitch:

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

Seen just now on WeChat:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

Spotted on YouTube:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

Seen just now on Twitch:

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Another day of meaningless suffering. Let’s see what awaits us tomorrow.

Another day of meaningless suffering. Let’s see what awaits us tomorrow.
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Commentary:
Just another episode in the sitcom called life! Can’t wait for the season finale 😂🍿📺

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Facebook this month:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

23 shares on Threads this month:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

13 shares on Instagram this month:

Her heart is an abandoned garden filled with ghosts and dying flowers.

34 shares on X this month:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

28 shares on Reddit this month:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

429 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,698

Funny Quotes Topics

17,716

Funny Quotes Images

15,698

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,500

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

All human behavior is performative, besides the crying of an infant.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Spotted on Discord:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Making waves on Threads:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My favorite color is money.

Making waves on Discord:

Y’all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don’t play with y’all too?

Seen just now on Slack:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

Spotted on Discord:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

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