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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,494

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Shared recently on Reddit:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

Shared recently on Discord:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

Shared recently on Threads:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Trending via Twitch:

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.

3 weeks ago

Witty text about dread of another year, humorously referencing past disappointment.

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Commentary:
Can't believe we've been greenlit for a sequel! 🎬🍿✨

anniversary, another, bad, complaint, got, humor, joke, last, review, reviews, sarcasm, time, year

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55 shares on Snapchat this month:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

66 shares on X this month:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

80 shares on Slack this month:

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Trending via Reddit:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Trending via YouTube:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Let’s call it a year. I’ve had enough. Merry Christmas, y’all.

Just shared via Snapchat:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

Just shared via TikTok:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Making waves on Threads:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Just landed via WeChat:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Going bananas on X:

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

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Activity Log ✨

Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨