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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,353

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Live now on WeChat:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Making waves on Reddit:

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Breaking via YouTube:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Spreading quickly via X:

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

Going viral on Twitch:

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

Going bananas on TikTok:

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.

22 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Can't believe we've been greenlit for a sequel! 🎬🍿✨

anniversary, another, bad, complaint, got, humor, joke, last, review, reviews, sarcasm, time, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They’re making me do work at work.

0

2 months ago

humor, job, making, me, responsibility, work
Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

0

4 months ago

bed, boyfriend, comparison, dropped, funny comparison, humor, item, lost, lost item, remote, skinny, TV, vape, wall
The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

0

2 months ago

before, chores, date, humor, parenting, play, play date, pointless, tidy-up
Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

0

2 months ago

activity, board, board game, Christmas, date, family, family time, fun, fun activity, game, gift, kid, kids, parenting, play, play date, time
A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

0

2 months ago

bullshit, clarity, foghorn, honesty, humor, own, people, perception
Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

0

2 months ago

countryside, england, everywhere, humor, just, rural, rural England, setting, Spider-Man, superhero, transportation, walk

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

Polish girls are just winter Latinas.

29 shares on X this month:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

98 shares on X this month:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

11 shares on Threads this month:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

Taking off my house pajamas to put on my errands pajamas.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

Just shared via Slack:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Live now on X:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Spotted on WeChat:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Breaking via X:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Breaking via Discord:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

They’re making me do work at work.

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨