Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,629

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Trending via Slack:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Freshly posted on X:

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

Freshly posted on Threads:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Just landed via Discord:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Trending via Discord:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
In bed inception: going to bed while in bed 😴🤣🛌

bed, comfort, cozy, even, ever, funny question, happiness, happy, question, relaxation, sleep, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

0

4 months ago

butterfly, calculations, compatibility, complex, crush, emotion, emotional, flag, humor, love, miss, nostalgia, red, red flag, relationship
Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, aging humor, comedy, culture, gone, humor, i, middle, middle age, movie, movie quote, orthopedist, pop, pop culture, something, tell, watermelon, welcome
Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

0

2 months ago

doo, every, just, landlord, people, property, scare, scooby, Scooby Doo, sell, show, trying, villain, woke
My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

0

2 months ago

calm, conversation, humor, idiots, patience, staying, superpower, talking, wit
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, celery, diet, food, humor, joke, pizza, vegetables, water
The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

0

2 months ago

balance, domestic, domestic life, home, humor, husband, life, marriage, real, relationships, work, work from home, work husband, work life, work-life balance, working, workplace, workplace humor, worst

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

90 shares on Slack this month:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

12 shares on X this month:

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Play the long game? You mean Monopoly?

64 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Making waves on Discord:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Shared recently on X:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Spotted on X:

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

Shared recently on Threads:

Turns out, college is all about forming unspoken, powerful bonds with people you talk to twice.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Going bananas on X:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨