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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge, and your sibling was furious.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,522

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Live now on X:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Just landed via Threads:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Shared recently on WeChat:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Trending via Telegram:

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Just shared via Instagram:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.
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Commentary:
Looks like the North Pole needs a relationship counselor! 🎅💋🤣

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

100 shares on X this month:

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

60 shares on Slack this month:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

41 shares on Discord this month:

All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

61 shares on Discord this month:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

80 shares on Slack this month:

I have friends in high places (birds).

76 shares on Facebook this month:

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My ideal man is a kindhearted little freak.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,514

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

Trending via Twitch:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Going viral on Threads:

Feel like if a bunch of gays were stranded on a desert island, they’d all drop that voice thing in, like, a day.

Spotted on Threads:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Just shared via Facebook:

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

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