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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,294

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Shared recently on Reddit:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Seen just now on Slack:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Please hesitate to reach out.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Making waves on Instagram:

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

Freshly posted on Threads:

That friend who asks too many personal questions? He’s not concerned. He’s collecting.

Making waves on Telegram:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about childhood innocence and holiday misunderstandings, with a playful and witty tone.

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Commentary:
Looks like the North Pole needs a relationship counselor! 🎅💋🤣

cheating, childhood, Christmas, claus, family, humor, i, kid, kissing, misunderstanding, mommy, Santa, Santa Claus, saw, song, thought, understand

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

2 days ago

argue, argument, conversation, debate, head, humor, imagination, inner, inner voice, life, me, mental, mental debate, mind, people, real, voice
Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

14 hours ago

beverage, drinking, humor, i, joke, money, mouth, pun, put, sarcasm, where, why, wine
Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

1 day ago

alive, asexual, being, contradiction, feels, humor, identity, pornstar, sometimes
Chill, folks, it’s just a simulation.

2 weeks ago

calm, chill, folks, humor, joke, just, reality, simulation, virtual, virtual reality
Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

5 days ago

animal, call, humor, joke, mating, noise, stomach, whale
Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

6 days ago

diagnose, doctor, doctors, future, humor, marriage, me, relationship, wife

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on WeChat this month:

Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.

54 shares on Discord this month:

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

35 shares on Slack this month:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

23 shares on Threads this month:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

Bruschetta is 80% delicious and 20% mess.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

27 shares on Slack this month:

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

My recliner and I go way back.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

Keep the laugh going 😂

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Chill, folks, it’s just a simulation.

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨