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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

“Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Dear wallet, please get pregnant.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,234

Social Media Log 💫

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who knew that going incognito in love was the key to eternal intrigue? Just call me "Mystery McMysteriousface." 🕵️‍♂️💘

accuse, alive, dating, deception, ever, fun, give, humor, mystery, name, privacy, real, relationship, secrecy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

0

2 months ago

ambition, ambitious, daughter, day, delusional, every, family, humor, lottery, needs, struggles, winning
Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

change, ever, excited, excitement, food, humor, kid, likes, new, parenting, tomorrow, unpredictability
I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

0

2 months ago

am, announcement, bravery, dark, dark room, funny moment, humor, i, moment, mouse, myself, room, self-awareness, whenever, yesterday
Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

0

2 months ago

car, car doctor, cause, crazy, doctor, having, humor, joke, maintenance, take, vehicle, vehicle maintenance
The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

0

2 months ago

1942, absurdity, costume, fruit, humor, invention, joke, playful, pumpkin, put, watermelon, whimsical
Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

0

2 months ago

flirt, food, humor, joke, looking, mash, me, potato, seduction

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

54 shares on Slack this month:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

75 shares on Discord this month:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Just landed via Slack:

Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Making waves on X:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Going viral on X:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨