Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,714

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

Going viral on Threads:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Going bananas on Threads:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Seen just now on Discord:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who knew that going incognito in love was the key to eternal intrigue? Just call me "Mystery McMysteriousface." 🕵️‍♂️💘

accuse, alive, dating, deception, ever, fun, give, humor, mystery, name, privacy, real, relationship, secrecy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

0

2 months ago

after, alcohol, casual, drink, drinking, drunk, drunk text, going, humor, just, night, night out, send, social, text, texting, weekend
The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

0

2 months ago

cost, disappointment, endings, entertainment, finale, game, Game of Thrones, humor, lost, me, series, series finale, television, thrones
I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

0

2 months ago

aging, anything, average, confidence, consider, humor, i, myself, self-awareness, self-deprecating, well
Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

0

2 months ago

anything, celebration, day, doing, doing nothing, holiday, humor, i, laziness, nothing, President’s Day, presidents, procrastination, promise
Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

0

2 months ago

college, every, except, group, group project, humor, people, person, project, sarcasm, single, smart, smarter, student, teamwork, three, welcome, where
I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

0

2 months ago

acceptance, falling, humor, irony, just, leave, love, maybe, me, problems, relationships, self-deprecation, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on YouTube this month:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

62 shares on Reddit this month:

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone by sometimes sitting on the other end of my sofa.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

60 shares on Discord this month:

I’m not like the other girls. I’m a 37 year old man.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

18 shares on Discord this month:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

I’m tired of pretending talking about the weather isn’t fun.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Spotted on Instagram:

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

Trending via Pinterest:

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

Just shared via Instagram:

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

Just shared via Facebook:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

Seen just now on Discord:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

Seen just now on Messenger:

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨