Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"August babies unite! 🎉 Leotard, the audacity! How dare they try to confine our free-spirited August energy with such a word 😂🦁 #AugustPride"

August, birthday, born, humor, i, leotard, offensive, someone, word

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

0

2 months ago

adult, adulting, bring, carefree, dog, floor, humor, i, just, lying, lying down, me, pet, procrastination, relaxation, snacks, sun, today, want
Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is.

0

4 months ago

app, back, close, digital, digital life, dire, feel, frustration, humor, i, life, open, procrastination, reopening, technology, whenever
Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

0

2 months ago

adult, functioning, humor, identity, interpretation, loose, welcome
Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

0

2 months ago

fruit, grape, grapefruit, hang, hang out, i, incompetence, incompetent, legend, wish
You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

0

5 months ago

50, aging, downstairs, health, ibuprofen, know, over, over 50, pain, pain relief, relief, upstairs
My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

0

5 months ago

act, act of God, five-year, five-year plan, God, humor, life, life plan, only, plan, sarcasm, unpredictability

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Every girl keeps an extra boyfriend and calls him ‘best friend’.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

Breaking via Slack:

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Trending via Snapchat:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Breaking via Telegram:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is.

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨