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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

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I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

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Thunder is fake. It doesnโ€™t even sync up properly with lightning. Thereโ€™s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has bookmarked:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

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When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

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I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

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I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

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At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ผ has viewed:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

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As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

Commentary:
"August babies unite! ๐ŸŽ‰ Leotard, the audacity! How dare they try to confine our free-spirited August energy with such a word ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿฆ #AugustPride"



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