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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,707

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

Shared recently on Twitch:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Going viral on Telegram:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Just shared via Facebook:

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

Seen just now on Messenger:

Body by sandwich.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Trending via Discord:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who knew I'd be trading clubbing for birding? At least these 'night owls' are quiet! 🦉👀😂

age, aging, amazing, bird-watching, birdwatching, creeps, fast, hobby, humor, nature, older, older age, pastime, surprise

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

0

2 months ago

ambulance, childhood, cream, funny thought, humor, ice, ice cream truck, let, music, over, pass, passing, playful, playful question, pull, question, thought, truck
My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

0

2 months ago

again, cat, cigarettes, excuses, frustration, humor, pet, sick, smell, smells
Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

0

2 months ago

appear, bubble, expression, grateful, gratitude, heads, humor, inner, inner thought, mind, over, sometimes, thought, thoughts
McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

0

2 months ago

chicken, chicken nugget, chicken nuggets, comedy, disappointment, exaggeration, fast, fast food, food, giving, humor, McDonald’s, me, nugget, nuggets, only, origin, origin story, story, villain
I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

0

2 months ago

activitie, adoption, extrovert, friendship, fun, introvert, me, socializing, things
Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

0

2 months ago

activity, annoyance, beach, couples, even, fun, fun activity, growl, humor, i, pass, playful, sarcastic, solitude, stare, staring, walk

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on WeChat this month:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

15 shares on Telegram this month:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Making waves on Messenger:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

Going viral on Instagram:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

Going viral on Threads:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

Shared recently on Messenger:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Trending via Snapchat:

They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨