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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has copied:

Half princess, half menace.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has viewed:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡© has shared:

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡― has shared:

Before you call me an idiot consider this: I know!

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡° has downloaded:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Someone from πŸ‡ΌπŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has viewed:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡· has copied:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on Pinterest:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Just landed via Facebook:

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Just shared via Threads:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

Live now on Messenger:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Making waves on Threads:

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

Just landed via Twitch:

Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Making waves on Reddit:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

Playful quote about aging and bird-watching catching up unexpectedly, full of wit and humor.
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Commentary:
Who knew I'd be trading clubbing for birding? At least these 'night owls' are quiet! πŸ¦‰πŸ‘€πŸ˜‚

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Threads this month:

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

24 shares on X this month:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

25 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

95 shares on Slack this month:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

Showing my barber a Rorschach test, and he gives me his mother’s haircut.

80 shares on Slack this month:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor β€œYou gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

No amount of daylight can save us.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,545

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡¬ has copied:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has copied:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has downloaded:

When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has copied:

Asking the cashier how I’m doing today.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¦ has copied:

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has copied:

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Έ has copied:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡³ has viewed:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on TikTok:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Broadcasted on Discord:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Trending via Snapchat:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Going bananas on Discord:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Making waves on Twitch:

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Making waves on Slack:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Making waves on Telegram:

We hate the same people and it’s so romantic.

Trending via Pinterest:

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

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