At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.