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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,651

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Making waves on Slack:

The mattress in the guest room was perfectly fine until I had to sleep on it once.

Making waves on Facebook:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Making waves on Snapchat:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

Just shared via Reddit:

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m only dead on the outside.

Seen just now on Instagram:

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Proof that even strong women can't shake their loyal bathroom buddies 🐾🚪🤣

bathroom, behind, dog, every, follows, humor, independence, independent, pet, strong, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

0

2 months ago

angry, apologize, decide, humor, let, naked, relationship, sleep, still, women
I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

0

2 months ago

brag, confidence, earrings, fit, high, high school, humor, i, nostalgia, school, self-deprecation, still, want
Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

0

2 months ago

agreement, comedy, custody, custody agreement, disguise, doubtfire, family, favorite, favorite movie, film, humor, movie, mrs., Mrs. Doubtfire, parenting, violation
Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

0

2 months ago

breakup, dining, disappointment, ever, expectations, experience, food, hard, humor, relationship
I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

0

2 months ago

chair, home, humor, i, love, me, multitask, need, phone, relax, room, sit, thrive, waiting, waiting room
I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

0

2 months ago

constipation, emotion, feeling, humor, i, month, shit, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

11 shares on Threads this month:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

93 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

34 shares on Threads this month:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Breaking via WeChat:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

Just shared via Instagram:

Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Live now on Telegram:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Just landed via Reddit:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

Freshly posted on X:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨