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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,640

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Going viral on Reddit:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Shared recently on Facebook:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Just shared via Slack:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Just landed via Snapchat:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Going viral on WeChat:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Just landed via TikTok:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When it comes to hearts, I guess it's all about the temperature control! ❤️‍🔥❄️😄

bad, breaking, breaking heart, emotion, good, heart, humor, irony, love, melting, melting heart, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

2 months ago

awareness, brain, brain damage, damage, excessive, humor, irony, know, me, sarcasm, screen, screen time, shows, study, technology, time, whenever
If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

3 months ago

face, humor, i, outlaw, poster, unwanted, west, wild, Wild West
My life is based on a true story.

2 months ago

comedy, humor, irony, life, self-deprecation, story, true, true story
The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

3 weeks ago

finance, humor, i, money, need, patience, urgency
Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

3 weeks ago

body, grooming, holiday, humor, just, Santa, shave, shaved, whole
I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

2 months ago

candy, diet, gaining, humor, joke, retention, sweets, weight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

59 shares on Slack this month:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

16 shares on Slack this month:

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

The shitshow must go on.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Not going is the new leaving early.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Just shared via Twitch:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Trending via Pinterest:

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Just landed via Messenger:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Trending via Instagram:

My taste in music ranges from “You’ve gotta listen to this” to “I know, please don’t judge me.”

Going viral on Threads:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

My life is based on a true story.

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨