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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,610

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

Making waves on Instagram:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Just landed via Threads:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

Making waves on Instagram:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Live now on Discord:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

2 months ago

0

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Caesar, looking shocked: "Is it bring your knife to work day or something? 🤨🔪" Looks like someone forgot the memo on cutlery etiquette! Watch out for any unexpected office shenanigans… or salad cravings! 😂 #OfficeAntics #KnifeLover

bring, Caesar, day, humor, knife, looking, shock, shocked, something, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

0

2 months ago

card, frustration, gift, gift card, give, humor, left, limits, metaphor, much, patience, sure, try, uncertainty
If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

0

5 months ago

crust, friendship, humor, ID, pizza, pizza crust, rat, share, sharing, Subway, subway rat
A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

0

2 months ago

best, boyfriend, coworker, dynamics, friend, friends, friendship, humor, relationship, social, social dynamics, workplace
You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

0

2 months ago

age, caffeine, drinking, feel, feeling, humor, ibuprofen, just, know, life, old, popping, self-awareness, stop, wait, want
I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

0

2 months ago

after, before, comedy, honesty, humor, i, impulsiveness, late, late night, life, night, personality, reflection, regret, rest, said, say, self-awareness, speech, think
Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, interrupt, interruption, me, overhear, please, sarcasm, social, something, trying, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Slack this month:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

69 shares on X this month:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

85 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

19 shares on Threads this month:

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Overthinkaholic!

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Life update: it’s getting worse.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,441

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Making waves on Messenger:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Just landed via Threads:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

Trending via Reddit:

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Just landed via Discord:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

Shared recently on YouTube:

Welcome to your 50s, your joints are now meteorologists.

Just landed via X:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

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