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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Crying at my desk while also finding time to cry in the shower makes for a healthy work-life balance.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

802 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,964

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,964

Updated

18 minutes ago

Users Online

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

Just shared via Threads:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Making waves on Messenger:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Going viral on Messenger:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Making waves on Telegram:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Spotted on WeChat:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Spotted on Reddit:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

6 months ago

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Commentary:
"Who needs camping when you have a cozy mortgage to keep you sheltered and warm? 💁‍♂️🏡 #IndoorisLife"

activity, camping, comfort, home, humor, i, mortgage, outdoor, outdoor activity, outside, pay, sleep, thank, wanted

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Seen just now on Slack:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Trending via Discord:

The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

Shared recently on YouTube:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Going viral on Twitch:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Trending via Reddit:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Making waves on Pinterest:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

Shared recently on YouTube:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Spreading quickly via X:

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

I really don’t believe all of these women are actually named “Sassy”

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

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Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

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