Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

My lips could use some attention today.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,527

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I get jealous when I find someone playing a song I thought only I knew.

Going bananas on Messenger:

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Spotted on Pinterest:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

Seen just now on Slack:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Just shared via TikTok:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

Trending via Facebook:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Nine months and you go with Chet? I'm naming my next plant after this marathon! 🍼🤔😂

baby, baby name, carrying, humor, insane, insanity, month, months, name, naming, nine, nine month, parenthood, pregnancy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

0

2 months ago

actually, cigarette, craving, God, habit, humor, i, irony, myself, need, smoke, someone, think, thinking, too
Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

0

2 months ago

activity, app, apps, dating, depot, fun, fun activity, gentlemen, home, Home Depot, humor, relationship, social, working
I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

0

2 weeks ago

activity, communication, conversation, enjoy, enjoyment, getting, having, humor, i, listening, passive, passive activity, podcast
Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

0

2 months ago

25, friend, friends, funny situation, granite, granite orb, hiding, mess, mess up, minimalist, orb, party, situation, surprise, surprise party, unexpected, us
I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

0

2 months ago

always, chores, everyday, everyday life, fold, folding, humor, i, laundry, laziness, life, procrastination, time
“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

0

2 months ago

after, chores, dish, dishes, doing, favorite, humor, music, song, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Threads this month:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

43 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Just shared via TikTok:

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

Just landed via Messenger:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

Just shared via Facebook:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

Spotted on Discord:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Seen just now on Discord:

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

Live now on Facebook:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨