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Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

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Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

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I have never โ€œlit up a roomโ€ unless you count arson.

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The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

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Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

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Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

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Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

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Lately life has been all panic no disco.

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Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

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You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

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Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Commentary:
๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ”ฅ Caveman: "I just invented the wheel!" ๐ŸŽ‰ Journalist: "Hold my pen, I've got some hot takes on why the wheel is bad for humanity. Spoiler alert: it doesn't have good mileage!" ๐Ÿ™ˆ #StoneAgeHotTakes



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