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Iโ€™ve got midlife crises older than you.

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Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

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I used to have a great future in my past.

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I never had a year with this much thinking. Iโ€™ve been thinking since the 1st.

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Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

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Sometimes when I get negative feedback Iโ€™m like โ€œHey, only I get to talk to myself that wayโ€.

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Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

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Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

Commentary:
The bullet is now in a witness protection program! ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ•ถ๏ธ



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