Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Not feeling fergalicious today, actually feeling pretty fergusting right now.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,591

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Going viral on WeChat:

If you’re late for work, don’t forget to look mad when you walk in.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Breaking via Instagram:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

Shared recently on Facebook:

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

Just landed via Twitch:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Live now on Twitch:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Uh oh, hide the treats! It's the pawlice 🚓🐾😂"

animals, comedy, cop, dog, dogs, humor, jokes, oh, perspective, police, police dog, regular, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

0

3 months ago

bigger, business, congrats, deadline, even, fired, firing, hitting, humor, missing, number, numbers, performance, pressure, q3, Q3 number, q4, Q4 number, work
My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

0

5 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, favorite, humor, i, interaction, know, moment, people, pretend, public, social, social interaction, thing
I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

0

2 months ago

after, checkmate, drinking, hours, humor, i, Jesus, joke, turn, water, wine
Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

0

2 months ago

expectations, head, humor, inside, looking, nothing, perception, photo, reality, rude, self-image, selfie, truth, yourself
I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

0

2 months ago

alarm, annoyance, hate, humor, i, people, sleep, wake
My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

0

2 months ago

again, cabinets, eat, eating, food, household, humor, joke, kitchen, marriage, never, rearrange, rearranged, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Twitch this month:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

43 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

I want to make fun of Kanye but I’m always losing my shit on the internet too.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Spotted on YouTube:

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Making waves on WeChat:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Just shared via X:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Just shared via TikTok:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨