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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,732

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Just landed via Twitch:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

Just landed via Slack:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

Going viral on Threads:

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Uh oh, hide the treats! It's the pawlice 🚓🐾😂"

animals, comedy, cop, dog, dogs, humor, jokes, oh, perspective, police, police dog, regular, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

1 month ago
absurdity, concept, humor, i, irony, love, person, rain, reporter, seeing, stand, storm, storms, suffering, weather, wind
Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

1 month ago
always, communication, ever, humor, irony, meteor, meteorologist, meteorologists, observation, talking, weather
I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

1 month ago
away, circus, escape, humor, i, inconvenience, minor, running, running away, stress, swear
Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

1 month ago
adulthood, after, bit, die, expectations, humor, life, over, procrastination, routine, saying, slow, slow down, stress, things, week
When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

5 months ago
bring, chess, chess clock, clock, clocks, dessert, dining, fork, humor, joke, know, let, person, should, smack, turn, waiter
Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

1 month ago
conflict, dessert, fighting, fun, humor, incentive, motivation, peace, stop, world

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

Going viral on WeChat:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

Freshly posted on Slack:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Shared recently on Reddit:

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

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Activity Log ✨

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I want this laziness removed from my body.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

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Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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