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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

What is rizz if not swag persevering?!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

758 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,920

Funny Quotes Topics

13,890

Funny Quotes Images

10,920

Updated

54 minutes ago

Users Online

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Just shared via TikTok:

Every girl keeps an extra boyfriend and calls him ‘best friend’.

Just shared via Slack:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

Making waves on Facebook:

I put the hot in psychotic.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Trending via Slack:

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

Just shared via TikTok:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.
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Commentary:
When someone says "Don't let me keep you!" what they actually mean is "Please exit the premises immediately, I beg of you! 🚪💨" Just remember, polite language can sometimes hide savage intentions! 😂 #ReadingBetweenTheLines

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

758 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,920

Funny Quotes Topics

13,890

Funny Quotes Images

10,920

Updated

54 minutes ago

Users Online

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Breaking via TikTok:

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

Just landed via X:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

Making waves on Messenger:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Going viral on Telegram:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

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