Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,705

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Live now on Snapchat:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Spotted on TikTok:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Making waves on Messenger:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Just shared via Slack:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

Going viral on Facebook:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your boyfriend needs a "lost item" alert just like a remote control! 😂📱🕵️‍♂️

bed, boyfriend, comparison, dropped, funny comparison, humor, item, lost, lost item, remote, skinny, TV, vape, wall

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

0

2 months ago

able, barista, everyday, everyday life, Google, i, information, life, media, normal, normal people, people, should, social, social media, technology, Wikipedia
Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

0

2 months ago

coffee, early, early riser, got, grandma, humor, i, little, morning, riser, solitude, why
Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

0

2 months ago

4AM, contemplation, dad, hour, humor, i, just, kitchen, kitchen table, know, morning, morning routine, routine, sit, table, used, wake, why
I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

0

2 months ago

confidence, humor, joke, lose, lost, relationship, virginity
My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal behavior, behavior, chasing, humor, own, playfulness, self-awareness, spirit, spirit animal, tail
Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

0

2 months ago

breakup, broke, congratulations, emotional, emotional support, enough, humor, know, me, needs, people, relationship, support, therapy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Threads this month:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

83 shares on Slack this month:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

38 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

Right now somebody’s therapist is hearing about YOU.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

What’s it called when you’re super insecure but, at the same time, you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that.

Going viral on YouTube:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Freshly posted on X:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Spotted on Instagram:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Going viral on Threads:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Freshly posted on X:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨