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Commentary:
"Nothing says 'I'm in charge' quite like twerking with unbreakable eye contact 🍑👀. Just make sure you pick the right audience…unless you want to establish dominance in the awkward department 😂💃"

assertiveness, confidence, contact, dance, dominance, eye, eye contact, humor, twerking

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

Breaking via Twitch:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Trending via Telegram:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Reported on Reddit:

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

Just landed via Slack:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Just shared via Discord:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

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Activity Log ✨

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

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Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

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