Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,321

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Spotted on YouTube:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

Making waves on YouTube:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Making waves on Messenger:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Live now on X:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Making waves on Slack:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

Just shared via Instagram:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Breaking via X:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

Making waves on Telegram:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

0
Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Maybe vampires started the whole 'vampires hate garlic' rumor just to get us humans to season ourselves better! 🧛‍♂️🧄 Next time you reach for that garlic, just remember you might be preparing yourself as a tasty snack for Dracula!"

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Messenger this month:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

85 shares on Threads this month:

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

For whom the doom scrolls!

16 shares on Instagram this month:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

93 shares on X this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

People don’t realize how hard you ride for them until you park.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

22 folks are currently checking 👀

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Strict parents raise good liars.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,505

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Trending via X:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Making waves on Discord:

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

Spreading quickly via X:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Just shared via X:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Going viral on Instagram:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴