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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1138 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,300

Funny Quotes Topics

14,215

Funny Quotes Images

11,300

Updated

5 minutes ago

Users Online

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Making waves on TikTok:

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Making waves on Slack:

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Just landed via Facebook:

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Grind.

Broadcasted on Discord:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Shared recently on YouTube:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Going viral on Instagram:

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

Just landed via Telegram:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

2 days ago

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Commentary:
This is the kind of email policy we all need—a work environment that's lactose-tolerant! 😂📧🍦

email, end, every, funny request, humor, me, request, sent, should, tummy, worry

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Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam and they’re just using it to make TVs.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Spotted on TikTok:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

Live now on TikTok:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

Going viral on TikTok:

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Making waves on X:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Spotted on YouTube:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

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Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

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Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

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