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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Jan 12, 2026

3,285

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

Breaking via Threads:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Shared recently on YouTube:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Going viral on Twitch:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Live now on Threads:

Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

Trending via Slack:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Breaking via TikTok:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Just landed via Discord:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

1 month ago

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like every marriage is its own comedy show, featuring one superstar and one financial wizard! 🤹‍♂️💼

every, hire, humor, insurance, knows, marriage, personality, relationship, someone, works

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

2 months ago

bed, body, frustration, humor, just, just kidding, kidding, moment, sleep, sleepy, tired
If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

6 months ago

evil, humor, joke, math, number, pun, root
If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

2 months ago

concern, humor, i, ID, me, meeting, personality, reflection, self, someone
The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

6 months ago

around, body, feel, feeling, humor, literally, moon, ocean, science, think, tide
I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

2 months ago

arrest, arrested, believe, doing, doing nothing, humor, i, impersonation, irony, just, nothing, politician, satire, sitting
I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

2 months ago

humor, i, irony, joke, mad, madness, mind, mind reader, psychic, reader, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Instagram this month:

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

11 shares on Discord this month:

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

17 shares on Threads this month:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe I’m wrong, but I still don’t think our parents realized how far we rode our bikes in the 80s and 90s.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,678

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Everything’s under control. I just don’t know whose.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Seen just now on Messenger:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Seen just now on Slack:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Just shared via Twitch:

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Trending via Pinterest:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Live now on Twitch:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like “Ok, can I bring my gardener?”

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