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Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,529

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Just landed via WeChat:

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Making waves on Twitch:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Seen just now on Slack:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

Shared recently on Threads:

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

Just landed via Instagram:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about bracing for uncle's lightning bolt attack at Thanksgiving dinner.

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Commentary:
When Uncle starts his electrifying tales, I just grab a mashed potato shield and hope for the best ⚡️🛡️🥔

attack, bolt, dinner, dinner table, family, family dinner, funny attack, holiday, holiday meal, lightning, lightning bolt, meal, table, Thanksgiving, uncle

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84 shares on Discord this month:

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

90 shares on Slack this month:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Stay humble and play dumb. People reveal who they truly are when they think they are smarter than you.

Spotted on X:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Shared recently on Threads:

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

Trending via Threads:

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

Just landed via Instagram:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Shared recently on Discord:

My hobbies include using the TV as background noise while I scroll on my phone.

Spotted on Facebook:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

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Activity Log ✨

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

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Activity Log ✨

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

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