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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,593

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

You can’t spell disappointment without me.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Dudes get a MacBook, and all of a sudden, they got work to do in public places.

Making waves on WeChat:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Just shared via Snapchat:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

Just shared via WeChat:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Live now on Pinterest:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

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Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.
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Commentary:
Ah, the age-old advice for fellas! 🤭 It's a foolproof way to set a new world record in the 100-meter "doghouse dash." 🏃‍♂️ Just remember, behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes. 😂 #SleepingOnTheCouchTonight

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

65 shares on X this month:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

13 shares on X this month:

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.

32 shares on Threads this month:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

69 shares on Slack this month:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

34 shares on Threads this month:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,672

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Just shared via TikTok:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Going viral on Discord:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Going viral on Slack:

This Monday has Monday written all over it.

Spotted on TikTok:

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

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