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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

When I write “I hope this email finds you well” I’m referring to the email’s skills in tracking you down.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,412

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Seen just now on Slack:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Just shared via WeChat:

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Spotted on Discord:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Seen just now on X:

I wish I was born into wealth so I could have a nice 1-bedroom apartment.

Live now on Discord:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

Just landed via Slack:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

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“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”
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Commentary:
"Taking advice from my heart is like getting directions from a GPS with a crush on that bakery down the street! 🧭💖🥐"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

79 shares on Threads this month:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Problematic bed time gap relationship.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,676

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Super excited to not contribute anything worthwhile today.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Going viral on Twitch:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Just landed via Reddit:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

Just landed via Facebook:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Going viral on Threads:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

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