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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,521

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Just landed via Messenger:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

Seen just now on Discord:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

Spotted on Snapchat:

If you think voting is pointless wait until you hear about writing posts here.

Just shared via Instagram:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

Going bananas on Discord:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Live now on TikTok:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Making waves on Reddit:

Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

Trending via TikTok:

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

Funny $250K quotes

New funny $250K quotes 👇

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

2 weeks ago

$250K, alone, comedy, home, home alone, house, just, Kevin, know, movie, nostalgia, parents, re-watching, worst

All funny $250K quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Slack this month:

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

97 shares on X this month:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button.

70 shares on Slack this month:

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

33 shares on Discord this month:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Making waves on TikTok:

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

Going bananas on Telegram:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Spotted on Messenger:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

Just landed via Discord:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Just shared via X:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Just landed via X:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

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Funny $250K quotes

New funny $250K quotes 👇

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

All funny $250K quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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