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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,291

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

Just shared via Slack:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

Spotted on TikTok:

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

Shared recently on Twitch:

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Just shared via Discord:

There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

Trending via Reddit:

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

Going bananas on Facebook:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

Making waves on Instagram:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

Funny anxiety relief quotes

New funny anxiety relief quotes 👇

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

6 days ago

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All funny anxiety relief quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

55 shares on Slack this month:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

29 shares on X this month:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

64 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

80 shares on YouTube this month:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Moving is legitimately one of the worst human experiences.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Trending via Facebook:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Trending via Twitch:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Making waves on Discord:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

Going viral on Twitch:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

Trending via YouTube:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Shared recently on Facebook:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny anxiety relief quotes

New funny anxiety relief quotes 👇

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

All funny anxiety relief quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨