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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,355

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

Spotted on Messenger:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

Breaking via Facebook:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Going viral on Slack:

It’s funny how people without pizzas in their hands actually think I’ll answer my door.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Breaking via Messenger:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Going viral on Threads:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

Making waves on Instagram:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Tested positive for being single af

Funny armstrong quotes

New funny armstrong quotes 👇

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

0

2 months ago

activity, armstrong, around, bike, block, drug, drugs, enhancing, enhancing drug, exercise, humor, i, lance, Lance Armstrong, nostalgia, performance, time, understand

All funny armstrong quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Did you know that it’s actually possible to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Just landed via Instagram:

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

Seen just now on Twitch:

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Trending via Messenger:

One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

Going viral on X:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Going viral on X:

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Making waves on Twitch:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Making waves on TikTok:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny armstrong quotes

New funny armstrong quotes 👇

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

All funny armstrong quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨