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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

35 minutes ago

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Just landed via WeChat:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

Breaking via Telegram:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Shared recently on Threads:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Going viral on Slack:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Spotted on Telegram:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Spotted on Slack:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Home » Funny Calmness Quotes

Funny calmness quotes

New funny calmness quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

Commentary:
"Remember, when locked out of your house, don't panic! Just have a chat with the lock – because in this situation, communication truly is key! 🔑😄"

For even more funny calmness quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny calmness quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

35 minutes ago

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

Just landed via Threads:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

Making waves on TikTok:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Trending via Pinterest:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

Seen just now on Threads:

I would prefer not to.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Going viral on Messenger:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Just shared via Messenger:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

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