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2 months ago
Share →: I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Commentary:
"With the amount of eye rolls I do daily, I'd be a fitness icon by now! 🙄💪😂"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Making waves on Slack:

Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to be online nonstop.

Spotted on Twitch:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Making waves on YouTube:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Live now on Telegram:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Reported on Slack:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

Trending via Discord:

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

Making waves on Reddit:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

Making waves on Facebook:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

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Funny calorie burning quotes

New funny calorie burning quotes 👇

For even more funny calorie burning quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny calorie burning quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Is losing your mind a hobby?

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I love saying “exactly” to stuff that doesn’t make sense.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

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