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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

if you think i’m rude, you should hear the lil voice in my head.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2406 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,568

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,568

Updated

16 minutes ago

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

Seen just now on Slack:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

Making waves on Slack:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Seen just now on Twitch:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Spotted on Messenger:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Seen just now on X:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Seen just now on Slack:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

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Funny childcare quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2406 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,568

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,568

Updated

16 minutes ago

Users Online

3,449

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Broadcasted on Discord:

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

Going viral on Instagram:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

Breaking via Reddit:

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

Trending via WeChat:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

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