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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

96 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,690

Funny Quotes Topics

16,895

Funny Quotes Images

14,690

Updated

Dec 1, 2025

Users Online

3,727

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Trending via Threads:

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

Breaking via Twitch:

I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

Trending via Facebook:

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

Breaking via Threads:

Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

Shared recently on Discord:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Live now on WhatsApp:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

Home » Funny Contingency Quotes

Funny contingency quotes

New funny contingency quotes 👇

All funny contingency quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

96 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,690

Funny Quotes Topics

16,895

Funny Quotes Images

14,690

Updated

Dec 1, 2025

Users Online

3,932

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

But babe, that’s my emotional support Lord of the Rings Extended Edition.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Spotted on Twitch:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Just landed via Telegram:

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Breaking via Threads:

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

Just landed via Facebook:

“Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

Just shared via Pinterest:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Trending via YouTube:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Shared recently on YouTube:

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

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