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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,987

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Trending via Twitch:

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

Just landed via X:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Going viral on WeChat:

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Going viral on Instagram:

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

Breaking via YouTube:

I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m.

Going viral on Twitch:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Making waves on Slack:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Home » Funny Contingency Quotes

Funny contingency quotes

New funny contingency quotes 👇

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

0

2 months ago

adventure, buried, buried treasure, contingency, financial, financial security, finding, humor, hunt, me, plan, point, retirement, retirement plan, security, thinking, treasure, treasure hunt, wealth, wishful, wishful thinking

All funny contingency quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Messenger this month:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

54 shares on TikTok this month:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

50 shares on Discord this month:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

80 shares on Messenger this month:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Nobody cleans better than someone who’s pissed off.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

God: “I don’t regret the Flood, but I do regret the Ark.”

Trending via Threads:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Breaking via Threads:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Making waves on Reddit:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Just shared via Messenger:

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

Going viral on Twitch:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Going viral on Instagram:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Going viral on YouTube:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Trending via Facebook:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Funny contingency quotes

New funny contingency quotes 👇

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

All funny contingency quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨