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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

The only love triangle I’m interested in is between me, my book, and my cozy blanket.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

What doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,642

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

Trending via Facebook:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Live now on Snapchat:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

Just shared via Slack:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Going viral on WeChat:

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

Breaking via Facebook:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Shared recently on Instagram:

People who grew up with money will look you in the eyes and ask you something insane like, “Do you ski?”

Funny discontinued quotes

Funny discontinued quotes bring a hilarious twist to phrases that time forgot 😂✨ These gems once ruled the spotlight but now live in the hall of fame for retired laughs 🎭🕰️ Whether awkward, quirky, or just plain silly, they remind us that some things are too funny to stay in style forever 😜💬 Ready for a chuckle-worthy trip down memory lane? Let’s dive into these classic comedic relics! 🎉🤣

New funny discontinued quotes 👇

All funny discontinued quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Twitch this month:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

15 shares on Slack this month:

If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

93 shares on X this month:

Netflix will help you finish spelling the name of the movie you’re looking for, and then tell you they don’t have it.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

People who grew up with money will look you in the eyes and ask you something insane like, “Do you ski?”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Geopolitics for dudes is like pure sex. Almost like the male mind was built for this.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,458

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Super excited to not contribute anything worthwhile today.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Live now on Discord:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

Spotted on Instagram:

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Breaking via Slack:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Just landed via Facebook:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Live now on Messenger:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

Just landed via TikTok:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Breaking via Telegram:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Just landed via X:

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

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