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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I never wanted to become one of those adults who just find the music of the younger generation annoying. Nobody could have guessed that the music was just annoying.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,627

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Spotted on Facebook:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Spotted on X:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Going bananas on Telegram:

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Just landed via Reddit:

We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

Shared recently on Slack:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

Live now on YouTube:

I’m lazy and chubby. I love food, naps, and coffee. I don’t like Mondays, people, and exercise. I never thought I would grow up to be Garfield.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Funny ear protection quotes

New funny ear protection quotes 👇

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

4 weeks ago

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Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Twitch this month:

Here’s what I’ve learned since I’ve been on social media: I’m not nearly as disturbed as I thought I was.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

They’re making me do work at work.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Trending via Snapchat:

The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

Live now on Discord:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

Just landed via Messenger:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Making waves on Threads:

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Just shared via Discord:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Spotted on Discord:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny ear protection quotes

New funny ear protection quotes 👇

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

All funny ear protection quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨