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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,466

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Just landed via Pinterest:

So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

Just landed via WeChat:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Going viral on Twitch:

ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Funny exclusion quotes

New funny exclusion quotes 👇

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

2 weeks ago

communication, exclusion, humor, interaction, leave, loop, me, please, sarcasm, social, social interaction

All funny exclusion quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How did Satoshi write the code of Bitcoin before Claude?

36 shares on TikTok this month:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

76 shares on X this month:

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

64 shares on X this month:

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

43 shares on Threads this month:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

88 shares on Threads this month:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something?

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.

Just landed via WeChat:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

Just shared via Instagram:

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

Spotted on Twitch:

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

Just shared via Twitch:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

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Funny exclusion quotes

New funny exclusion quotes 👇

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

All funny exclusion quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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