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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Big accounts just say water is wet and get 1 trillion likes.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2386 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,548

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,548

Updated

25 minutes ago

Users Online

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

Live now on Telegram:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Trending via Reddit:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Trending via LinkedIn:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Trending via Reddit:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Spotted on X:

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

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Funny Flood quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2386 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,548

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,548

Updated

25 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Live now on X:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Making waves on TikTok:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

Seen just now on X:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Reported on Snapchat:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Seen just now on Messenger:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Spotted on Threads:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Breaking via YouTube:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

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