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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,467

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Just shared via YouTube:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Going viral on X:

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

Going viral on Instagram:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Trending via Telegram:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Spotted on Facebook:

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

Going viral on Threads:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Telegram this month:

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

37 shares on X this month:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

Cool times create cool guys.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

73 shares on X this month:

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,481

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Not only is Santa not real, there are also no horny singles in your area wanting to meet you.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Live now on Pinterest:

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

Trending via Twitch:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

Just shared via Messenger:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Trending via Facebook:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

Seen just now on X:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Just landed via Discord:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

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