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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,310

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Trending via LinkedIn:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Just shared via Messenger:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Seen just now on X:

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

Making waves on Twitch:

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

Funny hairline quotes

Funny hairline quotes are the perfect way to embrace those receding edges with humor and confidence 😂💇‍♂️ Whether you’re rocking the classic forehead expansion or just noticing a little extra shine, these witty lines will have you laughing and loving your look in no time! 😎✨ Say goodbye to hairline worries and hello to smiles! 😄🔥

New funny hairline quotes 👇

All funny hairline quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

52 shares on Messenger this month:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

69 shares on X this month:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

90 shares on YouTube this month:

Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

30 shares on Slack this month:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

99 shares on Slack this month:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,423

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

Just landed via Telegram:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Going viral on Reddit:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Just shared via Messenger:

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

Making waves on TikTok:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

Trending via Twitch:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Spotted on Facebook:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Going viral on YouTube:

Adulthood – a never-ending story of shit you have to do.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

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